On the flipside of green energy‘s new popularity is the increasing demonization of fossil fuels.

To an moderately intelligent person, it seems an obvious thing to scorn from the get-go. I believe I was 11 when I found out that oil was a finite resource, and that most of what was left was impossible to extract and refine, in places like sand  pits in Canada. I also recall instantly questioning why we weren’t upgrading to something that we wouldn’t run out of.

I already knew the reason why old houses had so many chimneys was that we used to heat our houses with wood fires. We learned that was inefficient and wasteful and “upgraded” to oil. But while having this revelation in 2001, long since we had learned how inefficient and wasteful fossil  fuels were, I didn’t really see much upgrading going on (thank you, Bush, you fuckwad).

Honestly I still don’t see much actual conversion going on, popular “green movement” notwithstanding. The conventional methods people use to feel superior about their level of environmental consciousness tend to include things that don’t actually help at all. Like fucking tote bags. Trust corporate supermarkets to spread a consumable product as means of fighting the horrific environmental repercussions of consumerism. Plus people don’t even use them, since 10cents off a grocery bill that, depending on your income, is anywhere from 50$ to 300$, is no incentive at all.

Or solar power. Look how green we are! We decorated our garden with solar powered chatchkis! But cynicism aside, some people are actually trying to find ways of legitimately depending on solar energy for day to day living. Which is a well placed intention, but as romantic as the idea of solar is, I don’t really see it *doing* much. Think of what uses solar energy naturally on our planet; grass, algae, bushes, trees, general plant life. Not the most active life forms on our planet. We are an extremely energetic species, and we are looking for solutions that will provide, not just power, but mobility. So should we really be looking to the least mobile things on earth besides rocks for energy advice? I know the technology for it keeps improving, but unless we come up with something retardedly clever, I don’t see it powering our lives.

Wind power I am concerned about, but for a better reason than “it’s in my back yaaaaard!”. Yeah, I’m looking right at all you whiny mother fuckers in Cape Cod. No, I worry about the long term, “butterfly” effects of interrupting current natural wind patterns, since our climate is already mad fucked up. I remind you all that I’m not a scientist and I have no idea if this concern is legitimate, but you gotta admit humans have made a habit of the whole not-looking-before-leaping thing.

Personally I favor hemp. Not just because the sanctions against it are obnoxiously ignorant, biased, and destructive to our economy and general well being. Mostly it’s because the stuff is absurdly versatile. THEY CAN MAKE WHOLE FUCKING CARS OUT OF IT. I swear, it’s fucking true. Here.

The bigger issue that I’m getting at is that none of our nice clever ideas are worth shit if we don’t actually apply them. COMPLETELY. You’ll notice that most houses don’t even have one chimney these days. That’s the kind of scale that’s required for change to matter. “Energy Star Certified” products are irrelevant to our progress if they are still making ones that aren’t. Hybrid vehicles are pointless if they’re a specialty feature as opposed to the standard of quality. And efforts to promote reusable products won’t help if disposable ones aren’t simultaneously phased out of production. This problem needs to be tackled from both ends.

On that note, thank you, Obama, for continuing to generally not suck and trying not to reward bad human behavior. Check out this letter he sent congress. Thank you, sir, for taking steps to untangle the Bush clusterfuck. Because honestly, our continued use of oil is like a college dropout living on savings and not looking for a job. And that kid doesn’t deserve an allowance.